The Transitions Framework: Endings
In our fast-paced lives, many things still require slowing down to go faster. A career transition is an excellent example of one of those things that you can’t rush. A deeper dive on Endings, co-authored with the amazing Nikki Mor!
Introduction
In our fast-paced world, we often focus on beginnings—the excitement of new roles, fresh starts, and reinventions. However, as William Bridges explores in Transitions: Making Sense of Life's Changes, meaningful transitions don’t begin with beginnings; they start with endings. These endings involve much more than just moving away from a familiar role, place, or mindset—they require us to deeply examine what we’re letting go of and why.
In this article, a deeper dive from Seth’s Transitions Primer, we’ll explore Bridge’s five ending milestones: 1. disengagement, 2. dismantling, 3. disidentification, 4. disenchantment, and 5. disorientation. By intentionally engaging with these five stages, we can extract valuable lessons, avoid repeating old patterns, and transition into our next chapter, the Neutral Zone, with clarity and purpose.
Why Endings Matter
When we don’t take the time to acknowledge and process our endings, we often bring unresolved experiences, unexamined beliefs, and unmet expectations from our past into new situations. These remnants can act like invisible weights, subtly influencing our choices, actions, and perceptions without us fully realizing it.
Imagine leaving a job without reflecting on what you gained, what you struggled with, and why you’re moving on. Without this reflection, you might unconsciously carry that role's frustrations or limiting beliefs into the next, leading to similar issues or dissatisfaction and clouding your ability to see new situations objectively. Failing to process an ending can also prevent us from fully investing in a new beginning. We might be holding back, feeling “stuck,” or second-guessing our path. True development requires that we release these old patterns and give ourselves permission to move forward with clarity and intention.
In exploring each stage below, it’s important to note that these five elements of an ending don’t come in any particular order. What is most important, if you are in transition, is to let yourself experience an ending.
1. Disengagement: Stepping Back from the Familiar
Disengagement is the act of physically or mentally separating from the roles, relationships, or routines that have defined our lives. It’s often the most visible aspect of the ending, as it frequently involves a tangible separation—such as leaving a job, moving away, or stepping back from long-held responsibilities.
Why It Matters
Disengagement allows us to gain perspective. When we’re enmeshed in a role or relationship, it’s difficult to see ourselves independently of it. Taking a step back gives us the space to observe what we’ve outgrown and recognize patterns that may no longer serve us.
Example
An executive who has been immersed in the corporate world for decades decides to take a sabbatical, stepping away from the daily grind. This break allows them to reassess their professional identity, uncover neglected areas of life, explore new interests, and envision a future beyond their former routine.
Practical Advice
During disengagement, focus on creating distance without judgment. Reflect on the aspects of your life that feel most significant to let go of, and observe any emotional responses that arise as you step back. Journaling or engaging in reflective practices can be particularly helpful for processing emotions that surface during this phase.
2. Dismantling: Breaking Down Old Structures
Dismantling involves taking apart the systems and routines that held the old role or identity in place. While disengagement is a physical or mental separation, dismantling is the structural work of leaving behind outdated habits, mindsets, or even physical items associated with the past.
Why It Matters
Dismantling gives us a clean slate. By consciously deconstructing the structures that supported the old role, we prevent them from unconsciously dictating our future choices. This phase invites us to be intentional about what we carry forward and what we release.
Example
A manager who decides to step away from a high-pressure role might dismantle old routines by not checking emails in the evening or adopting a new morning routine focused on well-being rather than work, allowing them to consciously create habits that support their emerging values and goals.
Practical Advice
Identify specific behaviors, routines, or physical items that represent your old identity and decide how you want to let them go. This could mean changing your daily schedule or clearing out your workspace. It’s okay to do this slowly; dismantling is a thoughtful and intentional process.
3. Disidentification: Redefining Who You Are
Disidentification involves releasing our attachment to a former role or identity recognizing we are more than the labels we once held. While this opens the door to self-discovery, this blank canvas can be challenging as it requires confronting deeply held beliefs, values, and assumptions that shaped how we once defined ourselves.
Why It Matters
Disidentification is essential for growth because it removes the labels we’ve associated with ourselves. By loosening our attachment to a particular identity, we open ourselves to the possibility of becoming someone new. This freedom allows us to explore facets of ourselves that may have been suppressed or overlooked.
Example
A lawyer who, after decades of practice, begins to question their role and identity after years of stress. By stepping back, they can start to see themselves not solely as “a lawyer” but as a multifaceted individual with diverse talents, values, and interests. This broader self-view enables them to envision alternative paths that align with a richer understanding of who they are.
Practical Advice
Start by examining the labels you attach to yourself. Write down statements like “I am a…” and consider how these labels define you. Reflect on who you are outside of these roles—what qualities, values, and interests make you unique?
4. Disenchantment: Shedding Old Illusions
Disenchantment involves the sobering realization that certain beliefs, expectations, or perceptions you hold about the world are either inaccurate or limiting. This phase asks us to confront the illusions we clung to — about ourselves, others, or life itself — and to release any resentment, frustration, or disillusionment associated with them.
Why It Matters
This phase is crucial because it encourages a realistic view of our past and present. By releasing the illusions, we free ourselves from disappointment, allowing us to approach the future with clearer, more balanced expectations. Disenchantment is about embracing the truth of our experience, no matter how uncomfortable.
Example
An executive who bought into the idea that “success equals happiness” might realize that no amount of achievement filled the void. By shedding this illusion, they can start to redefine what success looks like on their terms — focusing on fulfillment, impact, or relationships instead.
Practical Advice
Identify any illusions, old success scripts, or assumptions that have shaped your past choices. Ask yourself: What did I expect that didn’t align with reality? What beliefs need re-evaluation? Once you identify these illusions, practice compassion toward yourself and others, recognizing that growth often comes from learning.
5. Disorientation: Embracing the Uncertainty
This last phase of endings, disorientation, is often the most uncomfortable. It’s a state of ambiguity where old paths have closed, and new ones have yet to appear. Disorientation can feel unsettling, as it forces us to confront our vulnerability and the lack of clear answers. However, it also serves as a foundation for new perspectives to emerge.
Why It Matters
Disorientation is where the groundwork for transformation is laid. While it can feel overwhelming, it’s in this state that we’re most open to change. Without the distractions of certainty, we’re free to ask big questions, explore big possibilities, and develop resilience in the face of ambiguity.
Example
A professional leaving a long-term career may feel lost, with no clear direction forward. Yet by embracing this disorientation rather than rushing to fill the void, they create space for new passions and callings to emerge. Rebound roles are avoided. Eventually, this period of unknowing transforms into clarity as they explore options they hadn’t previously considered.
Practical Advice
During disorientation, practice self-compassion and allow yourself to sit with the discomfort. Use this time to explore activities or topics outside your usual routine, as these can offer fresh perspectives. Trust that answers will come in time and that this uncertainty is both temporary and necessary for growth.
Conclusion: Experiencing the Five Stages of Endings
Endings are a complex yet essential part of any life transition, and by embracing the five stages — disengagement, dismantling, disidentification, disenchantment, and disorientation — we give ourselves the space to let go of what no longer serves us.
This journey allows us to reconnect with our values, broaden our perspectives, clarify our whys, and approach the next phase of life with greater awareness and intention.
Most notably, embracing endings helps us release the past with gratitude and move forward with renewed purpose.
Endings are just the beginning of the transition journey. The next stage, the Neutral Zone, invites us into a space of ambiguity and possibility — a time to pause, reflect, and reimagine. In our next article, we’ll explore how this often-overlooked phase can be a powerful catalyst for growth and self-discovery.
For more thoughts, visit Nikki and me on LinkedIn!
